THAT'S HOW THE FIGHT STARTED

FEGO....
One year, I decided to
buy my mother-in-law a
cementary plot as
a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't
buy her a gift.
When she asked me
why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't
used the gift I bought
you last year!"
And that's how the
fight started.....
______________________________
__
My wife and I were
watching Who Wants
To Be A Millionaire while
we were in bed.
I turned to her and said,
'Do you want to have
Sex?'
'No,' she answered. I
then said,
'Is that your final
answer?'
She didn't even look at
me this time, simply
saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like
to phone a friend."
And that's when the
fight started...
______________________________
__
I took my wife to a
restaurant.
The waiter, for some
reason, took my order
first.
"I'll have the rump
steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you
worried about the mad
cow?"
"Nah, she can order for
herself."
And that's when the
fight started.....
______________________________
_
My wife and I were
sitting at a table at her
high school
reunion, and she kept
staring at a drunken
man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at
a nearby table.
I asked her, " o you
know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I
understand he took to
drinking
right after we split up
those many years ago,
and I hear he
hasn't been sober
since."
"My God!" I said, "Who
would think a person
could go on
celebrating that long?"
And then the fight
started...
______________________________
__
When our lawn mower
broke and wouldn't run,
my wife kept hinting
to me that I should get
it fixed. But, somehow I
always had
something else to take
care of first, the shed,
the boat,
making beer.. Always
something more
important to me. Finally
she
thought of a clever way
to make her point.
When I arrived home
one day, I found her
seated in the tall
grass, busily snipping
away with a tiny pair of
sewing
scissors. I watched
silently for a short time
and then went into
the house. I was gone
only a minute, and when
I came out again
I handed her a
toothbrush. I said,
"When you finish cutting
the
grass, you might as well
sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will
walk again, but I will
always have a limp.
______________________________
My wife sat down next
to me as I was flipping
channels.
She asked, "What's on
TV?"
I said, " ust."
And then the fight
started...
______________________________
__
Saturday morning I got
up early, quietly
dressed, made my
lunch, and slipped quietly
into the garage. I
hooked up the
boat up to the van and
proceeded to back out
into a torrential
downpour. The wind
was blowing 50mph, so
I pulled back into the
garage, turned on the
radio, and discovered
that the weather
would be bad all day.
I went back into the
house, quietly
undressed, and slipped
back
into bed. I cuddled up to
my wife's back; now
with a different
anticipation, and
whispered, "The
weather out there is
terrible."
My loving wife of 5
years replied, "And, can
you believe my
silly husband is out
fishing in that?"
And that's how the
fight started...
______________________________
_
My wife was hinting
about what she wanted
for our upcoming
anniversary.
She said, "I want
something shiny that
goes from 0 to 150 in
about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom
scale.
And then the fight
started......
______________________________
After retiring, I went to
the Social Security office
to apply
for Social Security.
The woman behind the
counter asked me for
my driver's License to
verify my age.
I looked in my pockets
and realized I had left
my wallet at
home. I told the woman
that I was very sorry,
but I would have
to go home and come
back later.
The woman said,
'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt
revealing my curly silver
hair.
She said, 'That silver
hair on your chest is
proof enough for
me' and she processed
my Social Security
application.
When I got home, I
excitedly told my wife
about my experience at
the Social Security
office. She said, 'You
should have dropped
your pants. You might
have gotten disability
too.'
And then the fight
started...
______________________________
__
My wife was standing
Unclad, looking in the
bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with
what she saw and said
to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old,
fat and ugly. I really
need you
to pay me a
compliment.'
I replied, "Your
eyesight's damn near
perfect."
And then the fight
started........
______________________________
__
I rear-ended a car this
morning...the start of a
REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of
the other car, and he
was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and
said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which
one ARE you then?'
That's how the fight
started.

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HOW TO FLY AN AEROPLANE

One day, Akpos an aeroplane cleaner was cleaning
the pilot's cockpit when he saw a book entitled,
HOW TO FLY AN AEROPLANE FOR BEGINNERS,
VOLUME 1.
He opened the the first page which Read, To start
the engine, press the red button. He did so and the
airplane engine started. He was pleased and
opened the next page, To set airplane moving
press blue button. He did so and the plane started
moving at an amazing speed. He wanted to fly, so
he opened the 3rd page which read, To let airplane
fly, please press the green button. He did so and
the plane started to fly. He was so happy. After 20
minutes of flying, he was satisfied and wanted to
land so he decided to go the 4th page. He fainted
after reading the instructions. The 4th page read,
To learn how to land a plane please watch out for
Vol. 2 of this book....

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LESS DAMAGE

After a Car Acident, The Following ensured btw a policeman and d driver... Policeman: Man, how did u kill 50 people in a car accident?

Driver: I was driving at about 120km/h, when i tried to stop I found that i had no brakes. I saw 2 men walking on the street and a wedding on the other side of the street, who should i hit?

Policeman: of course the two men, less damage.

Driver: that's what I thought to myself, but when I did it, I hit only one and the other one ran to the wedding, SO I DROVE AFTER HIM...

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YOUR FIRST TIME

Once upon a time, a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in the 25 years they had spent together. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well- known "Happy Going Marriage". Editor: "Sir, It is amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?" Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: "We went to Kano State for our honeymoon. Having selected horse riding as the first activity, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one. On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over. Getting up from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said, "This is your first time". She climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. She again kept calm and said, "This is your second time" and continued. When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead! I shouted at my wife: 'What did you do, you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?' She gave me a silent look, smiled and said: "This is your first time!". ...AND WE LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!

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FIVE DOMESTIC ANIMALS

Teacher: Name five domestic animals.
Johnny: Dog, cat, cow and two goats.

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