APPLICATION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

Application to Date my
Daughter
NOTE: This application will be
incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete
financial statement, job history,
lineage, and current medical
report from your doctor.
NAME____________________
DATE OF BIRTH_____________
HEIGHT___________
WEIGHT____________ IQ__________
GPA______________
SOCIAL SECURITY#________________
DRIVERS LICENSE #________________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND
BADGES_______________________________________
HOME
ADDRESS_______________________
CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______
Do you have parents? ___Yes
___No
Number of years they have been
married
______________________________
If less than your age, explain
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
ACCESSORIES SECTION:
A. Do you own or have access to
a van? __Yes __No
B. A truck with oversized tires?
__Yes __No
C. A waterbed? __Yes __No
D. A pickup with a mattress in
the back? __Yes __No
E. A tattoo? __Yes __No
F. Do you have an earring, nose
ring,
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or
a belly button ring? __Yes __No
(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY
OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE
APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES
IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST
RUNNING.)
ESSAY SECTION:
In 50 words or less, what does
'LATE' mean to you?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does
'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER'
mean to you?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does
'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend
__________________________________________________
How often you attend
________________________________________________
When would be the best time to
interview your:
father? _____________
mother? ____________
pastor? _____________
SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:
Answer by filling in the blank.
Please answer freely, all
answers are confidential.
A. If I were shot, the last place I
would want shot would be:
______________________________________________________________
B. If I were beaten, the last bone
I would want broken is my:
______________________________________________________________
C. A woman's place is in the:
______________________________________________________________
D. The one thing I hope this
application does not ask me
about is:
______________________________________________________________
E. What do you want to do IF
you grow up?
____________________________
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
F. When I meet a girl, the thing I
always notice about her first is:
______________________________________________________________
G. What is the current going rate
of a hotel room?
________________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION
SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND
CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE
UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH,
DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE,
CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROC UTION,
CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT
POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON
KISS TORTURE.
_________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that
means sign your name, moron!)
_______________________________________________________________
Mother's Signature & Father's
Signature
_______________________________________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State
Representative/Congressman
Thank you for your interest, and
it had better be genuine and
non-sexual.
Please allow four to six years for
processing.

Read more ...

DATING VERSUS MARRIAGE

Dating vs. Marriage

When you are dating..... Farting is never an issue. When you are married ....You make sure there's nothing flammable near your husband at all times.

When you are dating..... He holds your hand in public. When you are married ....He flicks your ear in public.

When you are dating..... A Single bed for 2 isn't THAT bad. When you are married ....A King size bed feels like an army cot.

When you are dating..... You are turned on at the sight of him naked. When you are married ....You think to yourself "Was he ALWAYS this hairy????"

When you are dating..... You enjoyed foreplay. When you are married ....You tell him "If we have sex, will you leave me alone???"

When you are dating..... He hugs you, when he walks by you for no reason. When you are married ....He grabs your boob any chance he gets.

When you are dating..... You picture the two of you together, growing old together. When you are married ....You wonder who will die first.

When you are dating..... Just looking at him makes you feel all "mushy." When you are married ....When you look at him, you want to claw his eyes out.

When you are dating..... He understands if you "Aren't in the mood." When you are married ....He says "It's your job."

When you are dating..... He calls you by name. When you are married ....He calls you "Hey" and refers to you when speaking to others as "She."

Read more ...

DRUNK HUSBAND|NAGGING WIFE

A drunk came home very late and
sat on the Door step for thirty
minutes trying to figure out
what to tell his harsh and super
strict wife the reason for his
lateness.
He gained Courage, Opened the
Door, and found his wife and son
watching a late Night movie. He
passed them and Went Upstairs,
his heart pounding hard. To his
surprise, his wifedidn't say a
word. Just to confirm, he decided
to walk past them, and again
back to the Upstairs corridor. But
his wife Didn't say a word. He
signal his son to come. And he
asked him; How come today your
mother Isn't speaking?. or even
uttering
a word! The boy replied; she
asked Me for LIPSTICK and
Imistakingly gave her SUPER
GLUE.......

Read more ...

THE MIGHTIEST OF ALL ANIMALS

A lion woke up one morning
feeling rowdy. He went out and
cornered a small monkey and
roared, "Who is mightiest of all
jungle animals?"
The trembling monkey said,
"You are, mighty lion!"
Later, the lion confronted a deer
and bellowed, "Who is mightiest
of all jungle animals?"
The terrified deer stammered,
"Oh great lion, you are by far
the mightiest animal in the
jungle!"
On a roll, the lion swaggered up
to an elephant and roared, "Who
is mightiest of all jungle
animals?"
The elephant snatched up the
lion with his trunk, slammed
him against a tree, stomped on
him and then ambled away.
The battered lion hollered after
the elephant, "Sheesh, just
because you don't know the
answer, you don't have to get
so upset."

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THE WINNER

A group of scientists did a
competition to test the
intelligence of Nigerian students
in inventing things.
On the grand finalle, three
students were called form0the
crowd to come and present what
they invented.
The first student went there and
said "I'm Adeseun Tope from
Lagos, i invented a biro that can
write what people are saying on
a paper itself,he practicalised it
and he was applauded"
The next student went there and
said "i'm Ehirim Chinwe from
Imo, i invented a chip that will
tell the amount of money in the
pocket of anyone standing close
to it,he practicalised it and was
applauded".
The third student went there and
said "i'm Gambo Sani from Kano,i
invented an explosive that could
shatter the human body into a
million pieces, penetrating the
hardest of bones, can you all0sit
down while i practicalise it"
The chief scientist stood up and
said "don't bother to practicalise
it,you are the winner of this
competition"
Abeg people, who is the real
winner of the competition?

Read more ...