THE OLD FRIDGE

One guy bought a new fridge
for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: ' free to any good home. If you want it, you take it...'

For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice. He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal. So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'

The next day someone stole it!

Read more ...

A JOKE ON SIDE EFFECTS

John was sick, so the doctor gave him a tablet.

He started cutting the sides of the tablet.

Doctor asked: "Why are you cutting the sides...??"

John replies: "To avoid side effects...!!!"

Read more ...

ONE HUNDRED PERCENT ASSURANCE OF RECOVERY

Patient: "What are the
chances of my recovering
doctor?"
Doctor: "One hundred
percent. Medical records
show that nine out of ten
people die of the disease
you have. Yours is the tenth
case I've treated;
the others all died."

Read more ...

AIR INDIA

Chikku takes a Flight to Singapore and he is Seated next to An Englishman.

.

Chiku open his Tiffin and Serves himself a Roti.

ENGLISHMAN: What is This?
Chikku: Bread India

.

Chikku then opens the Box of Jalebi.

.ENGLISHMAN: What is This?
Chikku : Sweet India

.

With all the food he Hogged on, Chikku lets out a huge Fart!

The Englishman is Offended and in Shock Asks.

.

ENGLISHMAN: What WasThat?
Chikku: Air India

Read more ...

POSITIVE, COMPARATIVE AND SUPERLATIVE

A teaching practice teacher
was preparing for the arrival
of his invigilator, so he
decided to use the adjective
comparative and superlative
drill to rehearse well with the
pupils. He arranged with the
pupils that he would shout
out the positive and they
would all chorus the
comparative and the
superlative.
Here is how it all went on
when the invigilator was
around:
Akpos : Big!
Pupils: Bigger Biggest!
Akpos : Small!
Pupils: Smaller Smallest!
Akpos : Tall!
Pupils: Taller Tallest!
Akpos : Short!
Pupils: Shorter Shortest!
and so on. Now it's time for
the teacher to stop this
interesting exercise, so he
shouted 'stop' at the peak of
the exercise and the pupils
with all enthusiasm chorused:
Stopper Stoppest!
Akpos (out of
disappointment): What?
Pupils: Whater whatest!
Akpos : (frustrated) OK!
Pupils: Oker Okest!
Akpos : (Extremely angry)
shouted STUPID!
Pupils: Stupider Stupidest.
Here, the invigilator decided
to intervene.
Invigilator: (Shouted) SILENCE!
Pupil: Silencer Silencest!

Read more ...

WHO IS THAT MAN?

A young boy was looking through the family album and asked his mother, "Who's this guy on the beach with you, with all the muscles and curly hair?" "That's your father," said the mother. The boy seemed astonished as he said to his mom, "Then who's that old bald-headed fat man that lives with us now?"

Read more ...

JUST DECIDED TO CHECK ON YOU

A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She's laid on a trolley bed by a lady in a white dress and brought to the corridor. Before they enter the room she leaves her behind the theatre door to go in and check whether everything is ready. A young man wearing a white coat approaches, takes the sheet away and starts examining her naked body. He walks away and talks to another man in a white coat. The second man comes over and does the same examinations. When a third man starts examining her body so closely, she grows impatient and says: "All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?" The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders: "I have no idea. We're just painting the corridor and just decided to check on you."

Read more ...

WHAT THE MEN AND THE LADIES WROTE

At the college, male & female
students were told to
individually write a sentence
using the words 'sex' and 'love.'

In summary, this is what the Females wrote:
"When two mature people are
passionately and deeply in love
with
one another to a high degree and
that they respect each other very
much,
then, it is spiritually and morally
acceptable to the society that
they both engage themselves in
the act of physical sex with one
another."

In summary, this is what the
Men wrote:
"I love sex"!

Read more ...

SIGNS YOU CAN'T FIND ELSEWHERE EXCEPT IN AFRICA

This is Africa!!! Here are some signs that you won´t find anywhere else in the world except in Africa.

In a restaurant in Zambia: "Open seven days a week and weekends."

On the grounds of a private school in South Africa: "No trespassing without permission."

On a window of a Nigerian shop: "Why go elsewhere to be cheated when you can come here?"

On a poster in Ghana: "Are you an adult who cannot read? If so, we can help."

In a hotel in Mozambique: "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9.00 am and 11.00am daily."

On a river in the Democratic Republic of Congo: "Take note: When this sign is submerged, the river is impassable."

In a Zimbabwean restaurant: "Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager."

A sign seen on a hand dryer in a Lesotho public toilet: "Risk of electric shock - Do not activate with wet hands."

In a Botswana jewellery shop: "Ears pierced while you wait."

On one of the buildings of a Sierra Leonne hospital: "Mental Health Prevention Centre."

In a maternity ward of a clinic in Tanzania: "No children allowed!"

In a cemetery in Uganda: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.

In a Malawi hotel: "It is forbidden to steal towels, please.

If you are not a person to do such a thing, please don´t read this notice."

A sign posted in an Algerian tourist camping park: "It is strictly forbidden on our camping site that people of different sex, for instance a man and woman, live together in one tent unless they are married to each other for that purpose."

In a Namibian nightclub: "Ladies are not allowed to have children in the bar."

In a photo studio in Chitungwiza (Zimbabwe): "Photos taken while you wait"

Read more ...

HE COMES HERE SOMETIMES

A friend asked a divorced woman, "When you were divorced you had only one child, How come now you have three children from your ex?”

The woman explained, “Well he comes here occasionally to apologize."

Read more ...

MP JOKE

Officer: What Is Your Name?
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: Tell Me Properly.
Candidate: Moiet Pedro Sir

Officer: Your Father's Name?
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: What Does That Mean?
Candidate: Moiet Peter Sir.

Officer: Your Native Place
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: Is It Makurdi Purum?
Candidate: No, Minna Port Sir

Officer: What Is Your Qualification?
Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: (angrily) What Is It?
Candidate: Metric Pass

Officer:so why do you need a job?
Candidate:M P sir

Officer:meaning?
Candidate: money problem sir

Officer: whats your personality?
Candidate: MP sir

Officer:would you explain yourself and stop wasting my time?
Candidate: monacrotic personality

Officer: I see. I will get back to you
Candidate:so sir, how's MP?

Officer: And what's that again?
Candidate: my performance

Officer: You have MP!!!
Candidate: meaning?
Officer: Mental Problem.

Read more ...

NOT IN TALKING TERMS

A man comes back from work at night and heads straight to the bedroom to make love to his wife. When done, he goes straight to the kitchen to fetch himself a bottle of cold drink only to find his wife there looking for something in the frigde. He asks his wife how she quickly made it to the kitchen when they've just finished making love. His wife says 'haaa!!! That was my mother in the bedroom?, she was so tired when she arrived' I let her sleep in our room. Alarmed, she runs to her mother and asks her why she didn't say something when her husband was making love to her. Mother replies and said: 'you know your husband and I are not in talking terms. So i didn't want to be the one to talk to him first!!!

Read more ...

BRAIN EXERCISE

This is not a story, it's just a little brain exercise for you to do... Okay?


Are you ready?



Do you think you can multitask?
Try this:
1. sit on a chair, lift your right
foot off the floor and make
clockwise circles with it.
2. While still doing that, draw the
number 6 with your right hand.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
You can't help it: your foot will
change direction.
Below is another similar exercise
similar to the first:
1. move your right leg in anti-
clockwise circles
2. While still doing that, draw the
number 8 with your right hand.

What were your results?

Feel free to post your comments
Share this exercise with your friends with any of the sharing tools below if you find it interesting.

Read more ...

THEORY OF LOVE

If a girl is in LOVE, her Parents will ask Who's that IDIOT? ♥

If a boy is in LOVE, his Parents ask... IDIOT, Who's that girl..? ♥

MISCONCEPTION: No matter whoever in LOVE, boys are always IDIOTS. ♥

PROPOSED THEORY: Boys are normal before LOVE, but become IDIOTS after they fall in LOVE. ♥

CONCLUDED THEORY: Girls always LOVE IDIOTS :-)

Read more ...

ANY MAIL FOR MIKE?

A rancher walked up to the window at the post office, where a new clerk was sorting mail. "Any mail for Mike Howe?" the rancher asked. The clerk ignored him and the rancher repeated his question in a louder voice. Without looking up, the clerk said, "No, none for your cow, and none for your horse, either."

Read more ...

SHORT CONVERSATION

phone rings.......

B/f: hello darling

g/f:how r u babes?

B/f: am good & u?

G/f: not good at all

b/f: why not honey?

G/f: i need 3000k for my hair....

B/f: this is voicemail service......press 1 to end this call or 2 to leave a message...

Read more ...

THAT'S HOW THE FIGHT STARTED

FEGO....
One year, I decided to
buy my mother-in-law a
cementary plot as
a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't
buy her a gift.
When she asked me
why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't
used the gift I bought
you last year!"
And that's how the
fight started.....
______________________________
__
My wife and I were
watching Who Wants
To Be A Millionaire while
we were in bed.
I turned to her and said,
'Do you want to have
Sex?'
'No,' she answered. I
then said,
'Is that your final
answer?'
She didn't even look at
me this time, simply
saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like
to phone a friend."
And that's when the
fight started...
______________________________
__
I took my wife to a
restaurant.
The waiter, for some
reason, took my order
first.
"I'll have the rump
steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you
worried about the mad
cow?"
"Nah, she can order for
herself."
And that's when the
fight started.....
______________________________
_
My wife and I were
sitting at a table at her
high school
reunion, and she kept
staring at a drunken
man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at
a nearby table.
I asked her, " o you
know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I
understand he took to
drinking
right after we split up
those many years ago,
and I hear he
hasn't been sober
since."
"My God!" I said, "Who
would think a person
could go on
celebrating that long?"
And then the fight
started...
______________________________
__
When our lawn mower
broke and wouldn't run,
my wife kept hinting
to me that I should get
it fixed. But, somehow I
always had
something else to take
care of first, the shed,
the boat,
making beer.. Always
something more
important to me. Finally
she
thought of a clever way
to make her point.
When I arrived home
one day, I found her
seated in the tall
grass, busily snipping
away with a tiny pair of
sewing
scissors. I watched
silently for a short time
and then went into
the house. I was gone
only a minute, and when
I came out again
I handed her a
toothbrush. I said,
"When you finish cutting
the
grass, you might as well
sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will
walk again, but I will
always have a limp.
______________________________
My wife sat down next
to me as I was flipping
channels.
She asked, "What's on
TV?"
I said, " ust."
And then the fight
started...
______________________________
__
Saturday morning I got
up early, quietly
dressed, made my
lunch, and slipped quietly
into the garage. I
hooked up the
boat up to the van and
proceeded to back out
into a torrential
downpour. The wind
was blowing 50mph, so
I pulled back into the
garage, turned on the
radio, and discovered
that the weather
would be bad all day.
I went back into the
house, quietly
undressed, and slipped
back
into bed. I cuddled up to
my wife's back; now
with a different
anticipation, and
whispered, "The
weather out there is
terrible."
My loving wife of 5
years replied, "And, can
you believe my
silly husband is out
fishing in that?"
And that's how the
fight started...
______________________________
_
My wife was hinting
about what she wanted
for our upcoming
anniversary.
She said, "I want
something shiny that
goes from 0 to 150 in
about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom
scale.
And then the fight
started......
______________________________
After retiring, I went to
the Social Security office
to apply
for Social Security.
The woman behind the
counter asked me for
my driver's License to
verify my age.
I looked in my pockets
and realized I had left
my wallet at
home. I told the woman
that I was very sorry,
but I would have
to go home and come
back later.
The woman said,
'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt
revealing my curly silver
hair.
She said, 'That silver
hair on your chest is
proof enough for
me' and she processed
my Social Security
application.
When I got home, I
excitedly told my wife
about my experience at
the Social Security
office. She said, 'You
should have dropped
your pants. You might
have gotten disability
too.'
And then the fight
started...
______________________________
__
My wife was standing
Unclad, looking in the
bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with
what she saw and said
to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old,
fat and ugly. I really
need you
to pay me a
compliment.'
I replied, "Your
eyesight's damn near
perfect."
And then the fight
started........
______________________________
__
I rear-ended a car this
morning...the start of a
REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of
the other car, and he
was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and
said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which
one ARE you then?'
That's how the fight
started.

Read more ...

HOW TO FLY AN AEROPLANE

One day, Akpos an aeroplane cleaner was cleaning
the pilot's cockpit when he saw a book entitled,
HOW TO FLY AN AEROPLANE FOR BEGINNERS,
VOLUME 1.
He opened the the first page which Read, To start
the engine, press the red button. He did so and the
airplane engine started. He was pleased and
opened the next page, To set airplane moving
press blue button. He did so and the plane started
moving at an amazing speed. He wanted to fly, so
he opened the 3rd page which read, To let airplane
fly, please press the green button. He did so and
the plane started to fly. He was so happy. After 20
minutes of flying, he was satisfied and wanted to
land so he decided to go the 4th page. He fainted
after reading the instructions. The 4th page read,
To learn how to land a plane please watch out for
Vol. 2 of this book....

Read more ...

LESS DAMAGE

After a Car Acident, The Following ensured btw a policeman and d driver... Policeman: Man, how did u kill 50 people in a car accident?

Driver: I was driving at about 120km/h, when i tried to stop I found that i had no brakes. I saw 2 men walking on the street and a wedding on the other side of the street, who should i hit?

Policeman: of course the two men, less damage.

Driver: that's what I thought to myself, but when I did it, I hit only one and the other one ran to the wedding, SO I DROVE AFTER HIM...

Read more ...

YOUR FIRST TIME

Once upon a time, a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in the 25 years they had spent together. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well- known "Happy Going Marriage". Editor: "Sir, It is amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?" Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: "We went to Kano State for our honeymoon. Having selected horse riding as the first activity, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one. On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over. Getting up from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said, "This is your first time". She climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. She again kept calm and said, "This is your second time" and continued. When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead! I shouted at my wife: 'What did you do, you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?' She gave me a silent look, smiled and said: "This is your first time!". ...AND WE LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!

Read more ...

FIVE DOMESTIC ANIMALS

Teacher: Name five domestic animals.
Johnny: Dog, cat, cow and two goats.

Read more ...