A man was trying to avoid paying his hospital bills after an eye operation by saying, "I still can't see"
The doctor asks a s £ x y nurse
to undr£55 in front of him. He
again says "I can't see"
So, the doctor tells the
nurse to open her legs. Again
he says "I can't see"
The doctor noticed the man's underneath and says,
"Idiot!! If you can't see, why is your p£nn!5 rising...
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Can anyone provide answers to these?
1. Why does your
gynecologist leave the room
when you undre$$?
2. If a person owns a piece of
land, do they own it all the
way down to the center of
the earth?
3. Why are they called stairs
inside but steps outside?
4. Why is there a light in the
fridge but not in the freezer?
5. Why do toasters always
have a setting on them
which burns your toast to a
horrible crisp no one would
eat?
6. Who was the...
Sunday, June 26, 2011
THE MUSIC
One day, a man went to a restaurant, after some minutes, he realized that he needed to fart (pass gas). The music was really very loud, so he timed his gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, he felt better, finished his coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at him. Then he suddenly remembered that he was listening to the music through an ear pho...
Saturday, June 25, 2011
THE HAIR CUT
A man went to a salon for a hair cut. On getting there, the man started a short conversation with the barber
Man: How much is it for hair cut?
Barber: $50
Man: For God's sake, that's too expensive! Anyway, how much do you charge for shaving?
Barber: It's just $5
Man: Please, shave my he...
Friday, June 24, 2011
THE LOST PANT
A woman lost her p@n ts, she later accused her house girl in the presence of her husband. The girl now says, "Madam, I don't wear p@n ts, even your husband can bear me witne...
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Hmmm!
Biggest lie ever: “I have read and agree to the terms of use”
The guy who discovered milk….What was he doing with that cow? Hmmm!
Is ..3x-7y+(1/2) b.. really gonna help me in li...
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
THE PHONE CALL
A woman buys a new SIM card, puts it in her phone. To surprise her husband who is sitting on the couch in the living room, she goes to the kitchen, makes her voice s £ x y and calls her husband with the new number.
"Hi darl!ng", the husband responds in a low tone, "Let me call back honey, that pig is in the kitch...
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
NINE FACTS HIDDEN FROM US
1. Ninety percent (90%) of people in kenya don't drink milk;
2. Cobra snakes can see as far as a distance of one kilometer (1km);
3. A man can touch the sun if his body is completely surrounded by mercury;
4. No twins have been born till now in Greenland;
5. Rein deers don't have liver;
6.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
All of the above details are false;
7. Thanks for believing it for a while;
8. Today is not April 1st;
9. But...
Monday, June 20, 2011
THE SENTENCE
A primary school English teacher was teaching his primary three pupils how to make simple sentences. After several explanations and examples, he finally said, "Each of you will make a sentence with beans starting with you, John."
John stood up and said "Beans is rich in protein"
"Clap for him," said the teacher, "Now James, your sentence."
James also stood up, he said "My best food is beans"
"Very good," said the teacher again,...
Sunday, June 19, 2011
THE CHICKEN THREAT
One day, a young guy went to a canteen and ordered for a full chicken, as he took his fork and knife to start eating three ladies came up and said, "Boy, we're giving you a fair warning, anything you do to that chicken we're going to do to you."
Immediately the guy heard the warning, he put down his fork and knife, picked up the chicken and k!$$ed it several tim...
Friday, June 17, 2011
THE FARTING HUSBAND
There is a couple who had been happily married for years. Their only problem was the husband's habit of farting (messing) loudly every morning when he wakes up.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and would make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.
He told her that he couldn't stop and that it was perfectly natural....
Thursday, June 16, 2011
DEADLY FRUITS
One day, in the forest, three guys were just hiking along a trail when suddenly, a huge pack of indians attacked them and knocked them out.
When they woke up, they met themselves at the throne of pack's leader.
The leader then said "All of your lives may be spared if each of you can find ten of one kind of fruit and bring them back to me."
After a while, the first man returned with ten apples. The leader of the Indians then...
THE MAIL
A man was in his yard mowing grass, when his attractive blonde female neighbour, Nancy, came out of her house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.
A little while later, she came out of her house again, went straight to the mailbox, and again opened it and slammed it shut. Angrily, she went back into the house again.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn,...
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
THE DRIVER'S LICENSE
A blonde female police officer pulled off a blonde woman for speeding. The blonde cop approached the car and asked the blonde driver for her driver's license. The blonde driver asked, "What does a driver's license look like?", as she searched through her purse.
The blonde cop said, "It's a thing with your picture on it"
The blonde driver pulled out her powder compact , opened it, look into the mirror and handed it back to the...
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
THE FORTUNE
He said: "Do you love me because my father left me a fortune?"
She said: "Not at all honey, I would love you, no matter who left you the mon...
Monday, June 13, 2011
FATHER AND SON
Father: whenever I beat you, how do you stop your anger?
Son: I start cleaning the toilet.
Father: How does that help you?
Son: I clean it with your tooth bru...
THE WATER INSPECTOR.
A Saskatchewan Department of Water Resources inspector stopped at a rural farm and talked to an old farmer. He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for your water allocation"
The old farmer said, "Ok, but you don't go in that field over there."
The water inspector said, "Look, man, I have the authority of the provincial Government with me, you see this card? It means, I am allowed to go wherever I wish on any agricultural...
Sunday, June 12, 2011
HOW WAS I BORN?
Little boy: Dad, how was I born?
Dad: Well son, your mum and I got together at yahoo. We set up a date via email and met at a cyber cafe. Your mum agreed to download data from my PEN DRIVE. so I put it in your mum's USB PORT and just when I was about to transfer, we realized that none of us had installed an ANTIVIRUS or FIREWALL. It was too late to hit 'cancel' and nine months later, a 'pop-up' window appeared saying "You've...
Saturday, June 11, 2011
THE BENEFIT OF DRINKING WHISKEY.
A chemistry teacher wanted to teach his grade4 class a lesson about the danger of liquor. So he proceeded on an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.
"Now class, observe the worms closely" the teacher said, putting a worm first into the water. The worm played about, as happy as a worm in water could be.
He put the second worm into the whiskey. The worm writhed painfully and quickly sank...
THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO FIND OUT
"I've got a new dog," Harry told Lloyd.
"Why don't you come over and see him?"
"Does he bite?" Lloyd asked.
"I don't know," Harry said. "That's what I want to find o...
Friday, June 10, 2011
FOOLISTHINKING
Lloyd was bragging about his family to Harry.
"My sister's baby is a year old, and he's been walking ever since he was eight months!" Lloyd said.
"Boy,", Harry said, "he must be really tire...
HOW MANY?
A health inspector walked into the restaurant where Lloyd was working as a cook.
"This restaurant is filthy!" the inspector said. "You've got too many cockroaches here!"
"Well, how many are we allowed to have?" Lloyd repli...
BIRTHDAY
"when's your birthday, Lloyd?" Harry asked.
"June 19."
"What year?"
"Every, year," Lloyd repli...
Thursday, June 9, 2011
THE JOB OFFER
A man walked up to Lloyd at the party and offered him a job.
"I'll call you tomorrow," the man said."what's your phone number?"
It's in the phone book," Lloyd replied.
"Okay, well, what's your name?" the man asked."
"Oh, that's in the book too!" Lloyd sa...
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
THE NOTE
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other a silent treatment.
The next week, the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me 5:00am"
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover that it was 9:00am, and he had missed...
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
JESUS ENTERS JERUSALEM
A little boy named Johnny was bathing with his father one day. He noticed his father's d!ck and asked, pointing to the d!ck, "Daddy, what is this?"
His father replied, "It is Jesus"
When bathing with his mother on another day, he saw his mother's pu$$y and demanded from his mother to know what it is, the mother said, "It is Jerusalem"
One night, Little junior woke up in the middle of the night and had trouble sleeping, he...
LITTLE MERCY
Little Mercy was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually, she slept throught the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was sleeping, "Tell me, Mercy, who created the universe?"
when Mercy didn't stir, Little Johnny, a boy sitting in the class behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
"GOD ALMIGHTY!", Mercy shouted and the teacher said, "Very good" and Mercy fell back asleep.
A while later, the teacher...
Monday, June 6, 2011
THE TIME
Harry: can you tell me what it is by the time now?
Lloyd: yeah, it's 7:45am.
Harry: why are you so foolish, can't you see that the time is a quarter to...
Sunday, June 5, 2011
THE SIN OF LYING
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read MARK 17."
The following sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He asked to know how many people had read mark 17. Everybody raised hands up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on...
QUESTION FOR THE TEACHER
STUDENT: Will you flog or punish me for something I did not do?
TEACHER: You know I will never do that
STUDENT: I did not do my assignme...
Saturday, June 4, 2011
EXPOSURE
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right br£@$t was hanging out.
A police officer approaches her and says, "Do you know I can cite you for indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why officer?"
"Because your br£@$t is hanging out" he says.
She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus aga...
Thursday, June 2, 2011
PLEASE ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS, I'M NOT JOKING
1. if olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
2. Why is ABBREVIATION such a long word?
3. If we are not supposed to eat some animals, why are they made of me...
BABY SNAKE'S QUESTION
Baby Snake: Mummy, are we poisonous?
Mother Snake: Yes, honey, but why do you want to know?
Baby Snake: Well, I just bit my tong...
THE FROG'S CALL
A psychic hot line called a frog and told him "You are going to meet a beautiful young lady who will like to know everything about you."
The frog said "That's great! where will I meet her?" In her biology class in the l...
THE WAY OUT
A woman walked into a pet store where Harry was working. "Excuse me," she said, "but could you help me out?"
"Sure," Harry said. "Just go through that doo...
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