IT IS A J0KE: Animal jokes

Showing posts with label Animal jokes. Show all posts

Showing posts with label Animal jokes. Show all posts

Friday, July 13, 2012

THE MIGHTIEST OF ALL ANIMALS

A lion woke up one morning
feeling rowdy. He went out and
cornered a small monkey and
roared, "Who is mightiest of all
jungle animals?"
The trembling monkey said,
"You are, mighty lion!"
Later, the lion confronted a deer
and bellowed, "Who is mightiest
of all jungle animals?"
The terrified deer stammered,
"Oh great lion, you are by far
the mightiest animal in the
jungle!"
On a roll, the lion swaggered up
to an elephant and roared, "Who
is mightiest of all jungle
animals?"
The elephant snatched up the
lion with his trunk, slammed
him against a tree, stomped on
him and then ambled away.
The battered lion hollered after
the elephant, "Sheesh, just
because you don't know the
answer, you don't have to get
so upset."

Friday, March 16, 2012

FAMILY MATTER

A black guy and a white guy
were sitting in the park, the
white man had a pet monkey
and the black man is selling
bananas, the black man said
'Mr. Can u look after my
bananas, i'm goin to the
toilet"," Yeah sure, go
ahead" said the white man.
When the black man came he
found his bananas gone and
asked "where are my
bananas" the white man
pointed to the monkey and
said "ask ur brother" :O, the
black man chilled and sat
down. Few minutes later the
white man ask"can u watch
my monkey I'm going to the
toilet" ,"oh yeah sure!" said
the black man. When the
white man came back he
found his monkey dead and
exclaim "what happened
here?" the black replied "
don't get involved pls >:/ ,
it's a family matter"

Monday, March 5, 2012

THREE WISHES

A fairy saw a lion chasing a
rabbit in the forest.
She asked both to stop,"I
will grant you both 3 wishes."
1st wish
Lion - all the lion in this forest,
except me, be female.
Rabbit wished for a helmet.

The Lion thought the rabbit was stupid and wasting his wish.

2nd wish
lion- I wish all the lion in next
forest be female.
The Rabbit asked for a bike.

The Lion was shocked again.

3rd wish
lion- all the lion in world be
female except me.

The rabbit grinned, started
his bike n said,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Make this lion GAY

Thursday, December 15, 2011

FOOLISH MAN, FOOLISH CHICKEN

Vincent was sent to deliver a life Christmas chicken to Mrs. Francisca in Lagos. On his way, a careless bike man made him fall off the bike and the chicken immediately ran off. When Vincent saw the chicken was running away, he started laughing. At the side of the Road was Sandra who asked him why he was laughing, Vincent said "See this foolish chicken, where does it know in Lagos when the address is with me?"

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

GOAT AND CHICKEN

A goat and a chicken were discussing and walking along the road side and suddenly a car passed and splashed water on them, Angrily the chicken hissed and said, don't mind them that's how they drive like goat, and the goat smiled and said, hmm no wonder they die like chicken.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

NOW, WE'RE GOING TO SEE A MOVIE.

One day, a truck driver was on his way to a state zoo to deliver 200 penguins, on his way, his truck broke down and doesn't seem to respond to repair after several hours and so, the diver decided to make an arrangement with another truck driver. "Please, help me take these penguins to the state zoo he said and they agreed on $500. The next day the original truck driver arrives in town and sees the new truck driver crossing the road with the 200 penguins walking in single file behind him. The original truck ran to meet the other truck driver and asks, "I don't understand what's going on, didn't I give you $500 to take these penguins to the state zoo yesterday?" The new truck driver responds, “I did take them to the zoo, in fact, they really had fun, and I had enough money left over so now we re going to see a movie."

Saturday, November 19, 2011

A TOUCHING STORY

There was a mosquito and a dog who loved each other very much. One day the mosquito got very excited and gave the dog a love bite. The dog too became emotional and returned the love bite to the mosquito. The next day… the mosquito died of rabies and dog died of malaria…

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

THIS IS NOT MY DOG!

One man walks into a store one day and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, “Does your dog bite?” The store keeper answers, “No, my dog does not bite.” The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. “Ouch!” He says, “I thought you said your dog does not bite!” The store keeper replies, “That is not my dog!”

Sunday, November 13, 2011

THE CAT GETS WET

One day, a fish was swimming about 1 foot below the surface of a lake and saw a fly flying just out of striking distance. The fish said to itself, “If that fly should come six inches closer, I’ll jump up and have myself a juicy meal.” Just then, a bear on the shore of the lake looked up and said to itself, ” if that fly gets any closer to that fish, the fish will jump up, and i’ll catch the fish and have myself a wonderful meal.” As fate would have it, an hunter saw what was happening. He thought to himself, “If that fly moves closer to the fish, the fish will jump, the bear will lean over to grab the fish, and i’ll shoot the bear.” Just then, a rat standing behind the hunter said to itself,” if that fly moves closer to the fish, the fish will jump, the bear will lean over to grab the fish, the hunter will lean over to shoot the bear, and I'll grab the bread from the back pocket of the hunter. However, unknown to the rat, a cat was observing everything and thinking, “If that fly moves closer to the fish, the fish will jump, the bear will grab the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, the rat will grab the sandwich, and I'll snatch the rat.” At that very moment, the fly dropped a few inches, the fish grabbed the fly, the bear grabbed the fish, the hunter shot the bear, the rat grabbed the bread, the cat jumped, missed the rat and landed in the lake.

The moral of this story is: If the fly drops six inches the cat will get wet.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

WHY A BEAR SHOT A WAITER

A panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders the special delicacies and eats everything. After he finished eating, he pulled out a pistol, killed the waiter and started to walk out through the door. The owner of the restaurant got annoyed says, “Hey, what are you doing? You come in here, you kill my waiter and walk away without even saying a word. I don't understand." The panda says, “Look it up in the dictionary,” and walks out through the door. So the owner got a dictionary and looked under the heading “Panda”. It reads: “Panda, black and white animal; lives in central China; eats shoots and leaves.”

Monday, November 7, 2011

THE FORTUNE

Daughter told to her mother,

“Right now I just see a healthy white big cat went out from our kitchen”
Mother tells daughter,
” It is good sign and fortune to see a white big cat.”
Daughter replied,
“Yes, and fortune is that it has eaten all of your foods.”

Friday, October 28, 2011

THE BRAVEST RAT

Three rats had an argument on who was the bravest, the first rat said,'I ATE FISH WITH RAT POISON BUT NOTHING HAPPENED TO ME'...The second rat said,'I DANCED ON TOP OF RAT TRAP AND I CAME OUT WITHOUT A SCRATCH'....The third rat said to them,'DO YOU SEE THAT CAT GOING? I WAS THE ONE WHO IMPREGNATED HER'

Saturday, October 15, 2011

THE AUTOMATIC MILKING MACHINE

A farmer ordered a high - tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his "p£nis" into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic. Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove his 'p£nis' from the instrument

Friday, July 15, 2011

HOW MANY?

Teacher: If I give you 2 rabbits , and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven Sir

Teacher: No, listen carefully.

If I give you 2 rabbits , and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven

Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I give you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Six.

Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 rabbits , and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven!!!

Teacher: Where the f**k do you get seven from?!

Johnny: Because I have 1 rabbit at home!!!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

BABY SNAKE'S QUESTION

Baby Snake: Mummy, are we poisonous?
Mother Snake: Yes, honey, but why do you want to know?
Baby Snake: Well, I just bit my tongue.

THE FROG'S CALL

A psychic hot line called a frog and told him "You are going to meet a beautiful young lady who will like to know everything about you."
The frog said "That's great! where will I meet her?" In her biology class in the lab.

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