STRETCH MARKS

Nancy: honey, since we are engaged I think we should start calling each other pet names.
Mike; okay, so what do u wanna call me?
Nancy: Tiger!
Mike: Tiger? Why?
Nancy: because you're so cute and strong. so, what are you gonna call me?
Mike: Zebra !
Nancy: oh honey that's so sweet. Why?
Mike: because of your stretch marks.

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HALF DEAD

A man once finds a genie lamp. He rubs the lamp and a genie comes out of it and says "I may grant you 3 wishes, but your wife gets double of whatever you wish.
"The man wishes for a new car. The genie gives him a new car and the man's wife two new cars. The man then wishes for a new house. The genie gives him a new house and the man's wife two new houses. The man then says, "Finally, I wish to be beaten half-dead."

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JUST RELAX

John was dying of an unknown illness. His wife sat at the bedside comforting him. He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess." "There's no need to," his wife replied. "No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, and your best friend!" "I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work"

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MY SCHOOL DAYS ARE OVER!!!

One day Johnny's teacher was teaching when a boy in the class just started laughing. The teacher gets angry and asks the boy: "Why did u laugh?"
The boy answered, "I saw one strap of your bra"
The teacher gets angry and shouted at the boy, "STAY OUT OF THE CLASSROOM FOR A WEEK!!
After some minutes, another boy started to laugh. The teacher asked again, "why did you laugh?"
The boy answered, : I saw both straps of the bra you're wearing. The teacher gets even more angry and shouted louder "GET OUT, AND I MUST NOT SEE YOU IN MY CLASS FOR A MONTH!!!"
The teacher hisses and continues teaching. After some time, She bent down to pick up a piece of chalk, Little Johny started walking out of the classroom. The teacher shouted in anger, "Johny, why are you going out?!!! Little Johny replied her, "Judging from what I just saw, I think my school days are over for this term.

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I DIDN'T KNOW YOUR DAD WAS A PHARMACIST

One day, a young guy goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Hello, could you give me a c¤nd¤m? I'm going to my girlfriend's home for dinner and I think I may be in with a chance!" The pharmacist hands him the condom and as the young man was going out; he returns and says, "Give me another c¤nd¤m because my girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think I might strike it lucky there too." The pharmacist gives him a second condom and as the boy was leaving he turns back and says, "Go on, give me one more
c¤nd¤m because my girlfriend's mum is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes eyes, and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is expecting me to make a move!
During dinner, the young man was sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mum facing him. When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying, "Dear Lord, bless this dinner and Thank you for all you give us." A minute later the boy was still praying; "Thank you Lord for your kindness...." Ten minutes passed and the boy was still praying, keeping his head down. The others looked at each other surprised and his girlfriend was even more surprised than the others. She gets close to the boy and says into his ear, "I didn't know you were so religious. "The boy replies, "I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist!"

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