LIE DETECTING ROBOT

A man buys a lie detecting robot that slaps people who as soon as they tell a lie. He decided to test it at dinner... Dad: Son where were you today during school hours? Johnny: At school (robot slaps son) Johnny: Okay, I was watching pokemon. Dad: What?!! When I was at your age I didn't even know about pokemon (robot slaps dad) Mom: Hahahaha! after all he is your son (robot slaps m...

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EXPIRED MILK

A 25yrs old guy got married to a 72 yrs old woman. He got ill after 3 weeks of thier wedding and he wàs taken to the hospîtal for treatment, after d examinatiøn conducted on him, the doctor told him dat he overfed himself wit expired mi...

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THE BRAVEST RAT

Three rats had an argument on who was the bravest, the first rat said,'I ATE FISH WITH RAT POISON BUT NOTHING HAPPENED TO ME'...The second rat said,'I DANCED ON TOP OF RAT TRAP AND I CAME OUT WITHOUT A SCRATCH'....The third rat said to them,'DO YOU SEE THAT CAT GOING? I WAS THE ONE WHO IMPREGNATED H...

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INVOLUNTARY DONATION

A blonde, brunette, and redhead went to a church to donate money. The brunette draws a circle around her and throws up all her money. She says that whatever lands inside the circle is for God, and whatever lands outside of the circle she keeps. The redhead then draws a line, stands on it, and throws up all of her money. She said that whatever lands on the right side of the line is for God, and whatever lands on the left side she...

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DARK IN HERE

A woman was having an affair with another man during the day while her husband was at work. Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees the illegal lovers and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. Then the woman's husband unexpectedly comes home. She hides her lover in the cupboard, not realizing that her little boy was in there already. The little Boy says: 'Dark in here.' The Man says: 'Yes, it is.' Boy: 'I have...

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A LADY PICKED THE PHONE

A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit; she instructed her son to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to his daddy who is at site. After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that it was a lady who picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile. She waited impatiently for her husband to return from site immediately...

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HOW LONG

Scientist are trying to figure out how long a person can live without BRAIN ,Please tell them ur age.......

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CUSTOMER COMPLAINTS

A man boarded a plane with six kids. After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, ''Are all of those kids yours?'' He replied, ''No. I work for a Condom company. These kids are the customer complaint...

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A WOMAN'S PRAYER FOR HER HUSBAND

Read through a woman's prayer for her husband: 'Dear Lord,I pray for wisdom to undastand my husband; Love to forgive him; and patience to tolerate his moods, because Lord, if i pray for strenght, i will beat him to death. AME...

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YOU DON'T EXPECT ME HERE

A woman who believes her husband is sleeping with the house help, decided to set a trap for the man. She sent their house help home for weekend, then she entered the house help's room, lay on her bed and put off the light. Later the man entered d room, without any word, he had fun with her severally for a long time. Switching on the light, she said, I know you don't expect me here, then the gate man answered, you're right ma...

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SUCCESS

Excellence is like underwear, it is necessary to have it but not necessary to show ...

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GOING HOME

Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can go home. (A boy throws bag out of window) Teacher: Who threw that!? Boy: Me! Im going h...

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THE PROFESSOR AND THE BOAT MAN

A professor and a boat man were in the middle of a big river. The professor asked the boat man, do you know biology psychology, geology, geography and criminology? the boat man said no to all these questions. The professor said; what the hell do you know on dis earth? You will die of illiteracy! After a while, there was a mighty wind and the waves were high. Soon the boat started sinking, so the boat man asked the professor,...

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SHARING ORANGES

Two boys stole a bag of oranges from a neighbour and decided to share it among themselves. They could not find a conducive place for the sharing so they decided to go to the nearby cemetery. As they were jumping over the gate of the cemetery, two oranges fell from the bag but they could not go back to pick them. Shortly,a drunk man who was passing by the cemetery heard a voice saying 'one for me,one for you; one for me,one for...

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APPLICATION LETTER

Here is someone's application letter for employment... Dear Sir, APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT I refer to the recent death of the Technical Manager at your company and hereby apply for the replacement of the dead manager. Each time I apply for employment, I get a reply that there is no vacancy but in this case I have caught you red handed and you have no excuse because I even attended the funeral to be sure that he was truly...

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NOT YET SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN

There was a brilliant boy and a dull boy in the same university. The brilliant boy liked the dull boy so much dat he allowed him to spy on his paper during examinations. Unfortunately for the dull one, the examiner told the students that they were having an oral test instead of a written one. These were the questions the brilliant boy was asked: EXAMINER: what is the name of your preferred philosopher? STUDENT: John Lawn, sir...

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Brain Teaser 1 - Yet we're brothers

My full brother and I were born in the same hour of the same day of the same year to the same biological mother and have the same biological father, but we are not twins. Why? Scroll to the top of the page and select the brain teaser tab for the answ...

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THE KIND RICH LAWYER

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his hummer jeep when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked one <--more--> man. "We don't have any money for food." the poor man replied. "Oh, come along with me then." "But sir, I have a wife with two children!" "Bring them along! And you, come with us too!",...

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Riddle 8 - once red headed, now black

Take one out and scratch my head, I am now black but once was red. What am I? cHECK THE ANSWEr scroll to riddle...

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HOW AN IDIOT GOT INTO HEAVEN

Three men: a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby. "Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can...

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Riddle 7 - How long?

A worm is at the bottom of a forty foot hole. It can crawl upwards at the rate of four feet in one day, but at night, it slips back three feet. At this rate, how long will it take the worm to crawl out of the hole? cHECK THE ANSWEr scroll to riddle...

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THE BR£AST EXAMINATION

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first examination. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed. "Breast fed," she replied. "Well, strip down (pull off) to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both br£asts...

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A GIRL'S WORLD

Compare a boy's world with a girl's world. If a girl laughs loudly.. She is cheerful..!! If boy laughs loudly.. Mannerless..!! If a girl talks sweetly.. She is charming..!! If a boy talk sweetly.. He is flirting..!! If a girl is shopping.. She is trendy..!! If a boy is shopping.. He is Wasting his parents' money..!! If a girl is silent.. She is feeling sad..!! If a boy is silent.. He is being rude..!! If a girl walks...

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Riddle 6 - From the beginning of eternity

I exist from the beginning of eternity, the end of time and space, the beginning of every end, And the end of every place. What am I? cHECK THE ANSWEr scroll to riddle...

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THE AUTOMATIC MILKING MACHINE

A farmer ordered a high - tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his "p£nis" into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic. Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove his 'p£nis' from the instrument...

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JUST ONE WISH

ONE WISH A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker and because of the grief they have experienced; he decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise. They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done. The second one in line hears this and says...

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THE PRESIDENT

In a world medical conference, three scientists: a German, an American and a Nigerian were bragging about the technological advances their representative countries that achieved in the medical field.... The American says:- in Washington D.C. there was a baby boy born witout hands,so...

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Riddle 5 - Add two more

There is a word of three letters, add two more and fewer there will be. What's the word and what does it become? cHECK THE ANSWEr scroll to riddle...

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DON'T MESS UP WITH AUNTY KAREN

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment. "Get your parents to tell you a true life story with a moral at the end of it", she said. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Mercy said, "My father is a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying...

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St. Peter: WHY THE RUSH?

A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perished. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, "Jane , have you ever had any contact with a male organ?" She giggles and shyly replies, “Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger." St. Peter says, "Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate." St. Peter asks...

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Riddle 4 - Always wrong

I'm a five letter word, no matter how much you try to pronounce me I'm always pronounced wrong. What am I? cHECK THE ANSWEr scroll to riddle...

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THE BIRD

There was this guy sunbathing nak£d at the beach. A little girl comes up to him, so he used a newspaper to cover his privat£ part. The little girl says, "What"s under there?" So the man answers, "A bird." The girl goes away and the man falls asleep. When he wakes up; he finds himself in a hospital and in great pain. A doctor comes up to his bed and asks, "What happened?" The man answers, "I don"t know. I was at the beach and I...

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Riddle 3 - I fly but I have no feather

I sleep by day, I fly by night. I have no feathers to aid my flight. What am I? cHECK THE ANSWEr scroll to riddle...

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I'M UNDER ANOINTING

Can you imagine, I was in a church during anointing and deliverance service. As the pastor started the deliverance, anointing was flowing and people began to fall down. One lady beside just fell down, It was not up to one minute after she fell that her phone started to ring. She stood up, picked her phone call and said: "hello please call me back, I'm under anointin...

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Riddle 2 - Ancient invention

There is an ancient invention still used in most parts of the world today that allows people to see through walls. What is it? cHECK THE ANSWEr scroll to riddle...

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THE LAWYER'S JEWELRIES

A lawyer who was driving his brand new car was hit by a bus driver and immediately came out of the car to meet a policeman and started shouting and complaining saying "look what that man did to my car door" the policeman said "You lawyers are so materalistic, I'm sure you didn't notice your left arm was missing". The lawyer looked at his left arm alarmed n said "what!!! Where the hell is my gold wrist watch, my jewelries.......

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RIDDLE 1 - The tea cup

A 6-foot tall Magician had a tea cup and was holding the cup above his head. He let it drop to the carpet without spilling a single drop of tea. How could he manage to drop the tea cup from a height of six feet and not spill a drop of tea? Post your answer as comments just Click on comments to post your answer... cHECK THE ANS...

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I'M HERE TO FIX IT

A new lawyer in a firm was on his first day at work and wanted the first person to enter his office to see him busy. Soon, he heard a knock on his door, asked the person to come in and then quickly picked up his office phone and started saying "oh don't worry Mrs. Johnson, I'm sure your husband is innocent and by the way, the bank notified me of the money you sent. thank you once again." He then droped the phone and said to the...

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MONTH OF RAMADAN

Two christians were lost in the sahara desert. One is David and the other's is Michael. They were terribly dying of hunger and thirst when they suddenly came upon an oasis with what looked like an emirate with a mosque in the middle. David said to Michael "let's pretend as if we are muslims otherwise we wil not get food or drink. I am going to call myself Mohamed" Michael refused to change his name "my name is Michael and I wil...

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THE YOGURT DRINK

One day, Johnny and his sister, Janet were playing in the garden when they suddenly found a c¤nd¤m, thinking it was a balloon. They went inside the house and showed it to their mother. Johnny: mummy, mummy, mummy see this kind of special balloon we found in the garden. Mother: come on, go and throw that thing away. Don't play with this kind of balloon again. Johnny and Janet went to the garden and had a short conversation... Janet:...

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MATHEMATICS LOVE LETTER

My Dear L¤ve, Yestaday, I was passing by your RECTANGULAR house in TRIGONOMETRIC Lane. There I Saw you with your cute CIRCULAR face,CONICAL nose and SPHERICAL eyes,Standing in your TRIANGULAR Garden. Before Seeing u, my heart was a NULL SET, but when a VECTOR of MAGNITUDE (Likeness) from your eyes at a DEVIATION of THETA RADIANS made a TANGENT to my heart , It DIFFERENTIATED. My Love for you is a QUADRATIC EQUATION with REAL ROOTS,...

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HE HANDLES MURDER CASES

James went to a police station and saw officer John reading a bible. Just out of silliness James asked him, "officer,who killed Abel the son of Adam?" and officer John replied, "please speak to officer mark over there, he handles all the murder cases" replied"ver there, he handles all the murder cases" repli...

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