THE BASIC MATHEMATICAL OPERATIONS

One day, A male teacher was teaching his female student the basic operations in mathematics (Addition, subtraction, multiplication and division). The girl doesn't seem to get the difference between these operations and so the teacher decided to explain to the girl practically., He k!ss£d her once, and then twice again and said "now that's addition" As he added more k!ss£s in silent satisfaction, the girl sweetly gave back the...

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OVERLOADING

A man was driving around 1.00am alone in his car, he got to a check point. The policeman stopped him and asked for everything necessary--(particulars and so on) which he gave out. The policeman had nothing to ask again, in order to charge him, guess what the police man said; "I charge you for driving alone at this time of the day, if you get an accident now who will tell your people?" The man replied: I'm not alone, Jesus Christ...

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I CAN'T BELIEVE

One day, three mothers, a blonde, brunette, and a redhead were all discussing about their daughters bad un-expected deeds. The Brunette said "When I was looking through my daughters things and I found a lot of cigarettes, I just can't believe my daughter smokes." The Redhead says "There was a day, I was looking through my daughter's things and I found a bottle of liquor, I can't believe my daughter drinks." The Blonde says...

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GOING TO HAVE A WIFE

One sunday morning in the Sunday School class, little Johnny's teacher was teaching about how God created Everything, including animals and human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as if he was ill, so she asked, "Johnny, what is the matter with you?" Little Johnny responded, "I'm feeling pains...

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CHOLESTEROL FREE

One day, Mr. Sadar angrily rushed back into the supermarket where he had earlier purchased a packet of butter. He shouted in annoyance at the shop attendant, "Where is my free gift?" "But Sir, there is no free for purchasing butter," the shopkeeper politely answered him. "Don't think you can fool me!!," shouted Mr. Sadar, "it is clearly written on the packet of the butter 'Cholesterol fre...

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LITTLE HAIR, SO MUCH HAIR

One day, little Johnny was eating breakfast in the morning. He started to think about things, and asked, "Mommy, why does Daddy have so little hair on his head?" "He thinks a lot, dear" replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a such good answer to her husband's baldness. "Mummy, I think that explains why you have so much hair" said John...

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THE HEARING TEST

One day, an old man went to the doctor and complained that his wife could barely hear. The Doctor suggested a test to find out the extent of the problem. "Stand far behind her and ask her a question, and then slowly move up and see how far away you are when she first responds", said the doctor. The old man excited to finally be working on a solution to the problem, runs home and sees his wife preparing supper. "Honey" the...

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THE OXYGEN TUBE

Mr. Fred was in the hospital, near death and couldn't talk, so the family sent for his pastor. As the pastor stood beside the bed, Fred's frail and pale condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Fred used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died. The pastor thought it was best not to look at the note immediately,...

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THE RIGHT THING

Son: Mummy, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady. Mom: Well, what you did is not wrong, infact you have done the right thing. Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's l...

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THE BORROWED THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS

A man went out and left his wife at home. Ten minutes after the man left, somebody knocked at the door and she opened it, and it was her husband's friend, James. James said to her, is your husband at home? she said no, but you can still wait for him, he will soon be back. They both went to the sitting room and sat down there for a while, later James said to her: you have very good bre*sts I have never seen such in my life, can...

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COMPUTER QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

The answers to these questions are below, try not to spy until you're through. 1. What do computer Scientists have for snacks? 2. Why did the computer get cold? 3. What does a baby computer call its dad? 4. Whats the chemical formula of compressed liquid oxygen? 5. How do two programmers make money? Scroll down for the answers 1. Micro-chips. 2. Because it forgot to close windows. 3. Data 4. O2.zip 5. One writes...

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WHY WOMEN ARE LIKE COMPUTER VIRUS

Women are like computer virus, they: ENTER your life... SEARCH your pocket... SHIFT your balance ... CONTROL your life... And when you become an old version instead of upgrading you they just... DELETE you from the syst...

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MARRIAGE SOFTWAREMARRIAGE SOFTWARE

A guy with marital problems wrote a letter to the system analyst ( Marriage Software Division) of a software company: Dear Systems Analyst, I am desperate to get some help! I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and discovered that the new program began unexpected Child Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product module. In addition, Wife 1.0...

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PARKING FINEPARKING FINE

One day Mr. Sardar was driving and felt like easing himself, he parked somewhere on the road and quickly went, After coming back to his car he finds a note saying "Parking Fine" He writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 d compleme...

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DICTIONARY OF COMPUTER TERMS

Below is a dictionary of commonly used computer terms, I just hope this dictionary will be helpful. Note that this dictionary is not written in alphabetical order. Log on - Making the wood stove hotter by adding more logs of wood Log off - Don't add any more wood, instead, add water. Monitor - Keep an eye on that wood stove. Download - Getting the firewood off the truck. Floppy disk - this is what you get from trying...

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WONDERFUL QUOTES AND WISE SAYINGS

The following are quotes and wise sayings of the assumed wisest men in history. They were caught saying them in secret, but all thanks to God who reveals secrets.. I say no to drugs, but they don't listen. I have opinions of my own – strong opinions– but I don't always agree with them. Stop being so stupid.. it's my turn. A very wise man once said, “it is better to let people think you are stupid than to open your mouth...

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ONE DIFFICULT OR TEN EASY QUESTIONS?ONE DIFFICULT OR TEN EASY QUESTIONS?

A guy seeking admission was in for an interview, a little conversation came up between the Interviewer and the guy.Interviewer: I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one very difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind! Guy: (after thinking for a while and) My choice is one really difficult question. Interviewer: Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this. “What comes...

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EVERY 10 SECONDS

One day, a teacher lecturing on population says - In India after Every 10 seconds a woman gives birth to a kid. A Sardar stands up and says- we must find & stop he...

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WHY SPELLING OF WOMEN STARTS WITH WWHY SPELLING OF WOMEN STARTS WITH W

Do u know why spelling of women starts with “W”? Because all one worded Questions in the world starts with W .. What? Why? Who? When? Which? Where? Whom? Wom...

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WHY JOHNNY FAILED ARITHMETIC

One day, Johnny returns from school and told his father that he got an F in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father. "The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x 3?' I said 6." "But that's right!" "Then she asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?'" "What's the fucking difference?" asks the father. "That was exactly what I asked he...

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TEST HOW SMART AND INTELLIGENT YOU ARE

Below are four(4) questions and another bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You must not take your time, answer all of them immediately. Okay? The essence is to find out how clever you really are. Ready?GO!!! (scrolldown) First Question: You are participating in a race, You overtake the second person.What position are you in? (scroll down for answer) Answer: If you answered that you are first, then...

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LADIES FIRST

Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field" Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field Teacher : How? Student : Ladies fir...

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SANTA'S CHICKEN FARM

SANTA Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to start with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. After another month he was back at the dealer for another hundred chickens because the second lot had also died. 'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too dee...

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THE EXAMINATION REPORT

After an examination, a father said to his son, "let me see your report card." Son: "One of my friends just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parent...

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THE WEATHER FORECAST

One day a Sardhar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other hand so a man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be h...

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The Right Thing THE RIGHT THING Son: Mummy, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady. Mom: Well, what you did is not wrong, infact you have done the right thing. Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's l...

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MIRACULOUS PHOTOMIRACULOUS PHOTO

Woman: Why darling, you always take my photo in your handbag to the office? Husband: Whenever there's a problem, no matter how impossible it seems, I look at your picture and the problem disappears. Woman: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you? Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this o...

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SLOW WRITING

One day, Sardar was writing something very slowly. A friend asked: "Why are you writing so slowly? Sardar: "I am writing to my six years old son, he can't read very fa...

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WHO THREW THE FRASER?

Mother: "Why are you back from school so early today?" Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question." Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?" Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principa...

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SIMPLE ENGLISH LANGUAGE DEFINITIONS

Below are the definition some common words which most people, including English teachers find difficult to define, I hope you'll be grateful for them CONCLUSION: A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking. CELEBRITY: A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognised. ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now...

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FIRE!

Three women were about to be executed. One was a brunette, one a redhead, and the other a blonde. The guard brought the first woman, the brunette, forward and the executioner asked if she had any last requests. She said no, and the executioner shouted: "... Ready ... Aim ... !! and suddenly the brunette yelled, "EARTHQUAKE!". Everyone was startled and looked around. She escaped. So they brought up the redhead and asked if she...

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HIV/AIDS

One night, a gang of five thieves came across a very beautiful young lady. They searched her and found nothing they could steal from her. Annoyed, the leader of the gang decided that he would rape the lady and immediately he started. The lady seemed to be enjoying it because she didn't resist or cry for help, infact she was laughing so he rap£d her for almost an hour. After the leader was through he said that the others too should...

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COPYING FROM ORIGINAL

In a biology examination, the students were asked to draw the female s£x organ, when a lady noticed that the invigilator went out of the examination hall briefly, she quickly opened her legs wide to see her pr!vate part , the boy sitting next to her screamed.. ''Sir, she's copying from the original...

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VALENTINE PACKAGE

When a woman woke up one morning, she told her husband , "I just finished dreaming that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day gift. What do you think it means,?" asked the woman. "You'll know tonight," he said. That evening, the man came home with a package and gave it to his wife. Very delighted, she opened it -only to find a book entitled, "The meaning of drea...

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LUNCH MONEY

Mother: Why did you swallow the money I gave you? Johnny: You said it was my lunch mo...

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MILLIONIARE

A woman was discussing with her friend, she said, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." The friend asked, "And what was he before you married him?" The woman replied, "He was a multi-millionair...

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WHO IS AN IDIOT?

Son: Dad, who is an idiot? Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange way that another person who he is explaining to can't understand him. Do you understand me? Son: ...

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