One day, a man comes home
from work and greets his wife.
Upon seeing him, she asks for $20 to buy meat for dinner.
He leads her to a mirror,
holds up the $20 bill and says to her, "Honey, the $20 in the mirror is yours. The other belongs to me."
Satisfied with his "ingenious"
remark, he sits back and the
incident was forgotten.
...
The next day, he comes
home and greets his wife.
When he goes to the dining
room, the table is laden...
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL
A man comes home from work one day and he says to his wife: "Honey, I got a new secretary. And imagine what happened! She's got a red and white bra. You know, these are the colors of my favorite football team. Anyway, it's not a big deal but it feels good." The next day when they come home his wife asks, "How was your day?" The man says: "Fantastic! It's not only her bra that is red and white but also her panties. You know it's...
Sunday, February 26, 2012
DON'T WORRY
The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after after class one day, she asked,
"Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"
"I'm in love," the boy replied.
Holding back urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"
"With you," he said.
"But Johnny," she said gently, "Don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday....
Friday, February 24, 2012
CURED OF MADNESS
A psychiatrist wanted to know how many of his patients have been cured of madness, so he assembled them in a classroom and drew a big door on the blackboard. He told the class that̴̶̲̣̣̣̥̩̩̩̥̲̥̅̊ ̲̅if anyone can open ddoor on the board, that person will receive a gift of N20,000 and will be free to go home. On hearing this, they all rushed to the board to open the door, except one young man who remained in his seat at the back...
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
THE BLIND CUSTOMER
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there." A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The...
Monday, February 20, 2012
THE LEAFLET
I got a leaflet posted through my door this morning, it said, "ARE YOU ALCOHOLIC ? CALL THIS NUMBER NOW, WE CAN HELP!" So i gave them a call. It was the local damn liquor store and they gave me the best deal buy 5 get 2 free........ :p ...
Friday, February 17, 2012
THIRTEEN
A young man was strolling
down a street. As he passed a
large building with a fence
around it, he heard a group of
people chanting "Thirteen,
thirteen, thirteen" over and over
again.
Curious, he tried to see over the
fence, but couldn't. Then he
spotted a hole in the wood.
He put his eye to the hole. He
just managed to spy some old
people sitting in deckchairs
chanting, before a finger came
out of nowhere and poked him
in the...
Thursday, February 16, 2012
AT A BAR
A very shy guy goes into a pub
on Valentine's Day night and
sees a beautiful woman sitting
alone at the bar.
After an hour of gathering up
his courage he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I brought you a drink?"
She responds by yelling, at the
top of her lungs, "No, I won't
sleep with you tonight!"
Everyone in the pub is now
staring at them. Naturally, the
guy is hopelessly and completely...
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
NELSON MANDELLA
Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching the telly when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, "You sign! You sign!" Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder, "You sign! You sign!" Nelson says to him, "Look mate, you've obviously got the...
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
TV VERSUS MOBILE PHONES
Wife is like a TV
Girlfriend is like a MOBILE :O
At home you watch TV,
but when you go out you take
your MOBILE =)]
No money, you keep your old TV,
got money, you change your
MOBILE =D
Sometimes you enjoy TV,
but most of the time you play
with your MOBILE *...* ♥♥
TV is free for life,
but for the MOBILE, if you
don't pay, services will be
terminated >:/
TV is big and bulky,
MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy
and very portable ♥♥ ;;)
Operational...
Monday, February 13, 2012
Some facts and useful advices
Here are some facts and useful advices for you
Advice...
Always forgive your enemies
-Nothing annoys them so much.
If you can not see the bright
side of life, polish the dull side.
Take naps regularly, regular naps prevent old age,
especially if you take them while
driving.
Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
Cheer up, the...
Saturday, February 11, 2012
USE YOUR NUMBER 6 IN 6 WAYS
A young boy met a very rich business man and asked him"sir, what is the secret of your success?" and he replied, "boy, you have to use your number 6 in 6 ways". The boy was so surprised and asked him "sir, how in 6ways?" he further replied "I only do business 6 times in a year,
1. I sell bags of rice during d xmas season,
2. I sell children clothes duringchildren's day celebration,
3. I sell poultry during the easter celebration...
Friday, February 10, 2012
5 DOLLARS PER BOTTLE
An old woman is going up in a
lift in a very lavish department
store when a young, beautiful
woman gets in, smelling of
expensive scent. She turns to the
old woman and says arrogantly:
'Romance by Ralph Lauren,
$3000 a bottle.'
Then another young woman gets
in the lift, She also turns to the
old woman and says snootily:
chanel No 5, $2550 a bottle.'
A few floors later, the old
woman has reached her
destination. As she gets out,...
Thursday, February 9, 2012
COMPLAINTS
A man was carrying two babies,
one in each arm, while waiting
for a train. A woman upon seeing
those two cute babies asked the
man, "Aren't they cute, what are
their names?" The man giving
the lady an angry look replied, "I
don't know." The lady then
asked, Are they boys or girls?"
The man looking angrier than
before replied "I don't know."
The woman then started to scold
the man, "What kind of a father
are you?". The man replied,...
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
LARRY'S BAR
A man goes to a shrink and says,
"Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to
me. Every evening, she goes to
Larry's bar and picks up men. In
fact, She sleeps with anybody
who asks her! I'm going crazy.
What do you think I should do?"
"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a
deep breath and calm down.
Now, tell me, exactly where is
Larry's ba...
Monday, February 6, 2012
KILL TO ESCAPE
Two mad men in a psychiatric
hospital escaped out of their
wards. They knew the guards at
the gate won't allow them to
escape out out of the hospital,
so, both of them decided that
they'll kill the guards and run out
of the hospital, so they headed
for the gate with a knife each.
When they got to the gate, the
guards were not there and the
gates were not locked. One of
the guys said to the other: shit!
Where are these stupid guards
for...
Saturday, February 4, 2012
SAILING WITH THE DEVIL
On a ship, an American, a British
and a Nigerian were sailing. The
Devil appeared and said "drop
something in the sea, if I find it
I'll eat you but if I can't, then I'll
be your slave. The American
dropped a diamond, the devil
found it and ate him. The British
dropped a small platinum piece,
the devil found it and ate him
too. The Nigerian opened a bottle
of water, emptied it in the sea
and said "today na today! Find
am, I dey...
Friday, February 3, 2012
THE BLOOD DONATION
A guy donated blood to his
girlfriend while she was terribly
sick and urgently needed blood.
A few months later, view broke
up. The guy then went to the girl
and ask for his blood back. The
girl threw him her menstrual pad
and said I'll pay in monthly
instalmen...
Thursday, February 2, 2012
GRANDMA IS DEAD
Son: mum I thought grandma is dead?
Mum: thunder fire you! It's your own mama go die fi...
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
SUPERNATURAL LESSON
A professor at the University wasgiving a lecture on the supernatural.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks “How many people here believe in ghosts?”
About 90 students raised their
hands.
“Well, that’s a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you’ve seen a ghost?”
About 40 students raised their hands. “That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this
seriously. Has anyone here ever talked...
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